[AT] Test...snow shoveler's diary

[Richard Strobel]

  Gotta luv it, and I as a kid can relate to this  <vbg>

December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our 
cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes 
drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we 
felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of 
the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in 
the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for 
the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway 
and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the 
sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a 
perfect life.

December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor 
tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on 
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of 
winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's 
possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14:
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold 
makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up 
by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came 
back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would 
have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape 
this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires 
for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants 
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We 
aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting 
down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was 
very cruel.

December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was 
off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do 
but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought 
a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I 
can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. 
More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find 
a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I 
think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about 
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. 
I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it 
done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white 
shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took 
me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to 
piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired 
to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the 
winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The wife wanted me to 
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't 
she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's 
lying.

December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was 
having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that 
snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides 
around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes 
down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've 
just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and 
open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D at x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. 
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the 
snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head 
with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. 
If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill 
her.

December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. 
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30o and the pipes froze.

December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. 
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The 
wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. 
Why am I tied to the bed?