[AT] Al Jones

[Francis Robinson]

----- Original Message -----  Also
> dealing with a very sick mother in late stage Alzheimer's.
> Travis
>



Forgive the O.T.

    Be careful about trying to deal with Alzheimer's alone... Diana and I 
thought that we could deal with my mother's (she lived here on the farm 300' 
away) Alzheimer's and care for Diana's legally blind and physically 
handicapped mother at the same time (she lived with us for 3 years) in 
addition to dealing with the rest of life (kid's problems, grandkid's 
problems, great grandchildren's medical problems, money problems, farming 
problems etc). Alzheimer's can stretch out for a decade in a long drawn out 
gradual decline that can include a lot of paranoia and wild personality 
changes, some of which can become very hateful and spiteful. Your parent can 
become a stranger... We were treading much closer to the edge than we 
realized when I finally had to order mom to move to an assisted living 
center a couple of years ago because we could not watch her 24-7 to prevent 
her from wandering off lost. She could no longer remember even where she was 
in her house and she would slip outside and wander without any idea of where 
she was, then she would panic and begin screaming. It began coming on 
(noticeably) about 10 years ago. About a year and a half ago I had to 
physically force her into a mental institution after the hospital called and 
said that the doctors and medics could not handle her to move her. They 
didn't want to restrain or manhandle an 84 year old woman. That happened the 
same week that Diana's mom was having serious cancer surgery in another city 
and we were on the road when they called. Today my mother is 85 and still in 
assisted living but I'm quite sure that she will not see 86. She was placed 
under Hospice care last week at the recommendation of the facility that 
cares for her since they are convinced that the end is quite near. Diana's 
mom is doing pretty well at 91 and is now recovering from gall bladder 
surgery just last week. She has been in a nursing home about a year after 
Diana's siblings observed what the whole load was doing to her and insisted 
that their mom move to a home. Diana still has the primary responsibility 
for her care but does not have to physically do it. At least her mom's mind 
is still good.
    Dealing with an Alzheimer's patient is one of those things that can 
quietly sneak up on you and the load can keep increasing day after day until 
it takes over your whole life and render you almost non-functional as far as 
having any kind of normal life. At first you can get someone else to watch 
them so you can catch a break but as they decline more and more other people 
just can't deal with them so you eventually have to do it all, all day and 
all night, every day... At some point you may find that you are unable to 
get any of your needed work done and that you have absolutely no private 
moments left. It becomes all consuming. Diana and I both now have all of the 
surface symptoms of PTSS... Some days I think that maybe at this point we 
might need a "keeper".   :-)
    I have been having discussions with our kids (all grown) lately being 
very emphatic that they are NOT to attempt to personally care for us if we 
end up going down that road. We will have the funds to provide for our care 
in our home or in a nice "home" if it becomes necessary and that burden of 
caring for us is not what I want for my kids.
    I believe that you owe it to your parents to see that they are well 
cared for "someplace" but that you do not owe them your soul or your 
sanity... I suspect that on this list that there are several (judging by 
statistics I read) that are now dealing with aging parents that are in one 
stage or the other of Alzheimer's. The early stages are not all that bad but 
beware of the later stages, it can truly drag you down... Don't try to go it 
alone. There is help available, find it and use it...

    OK, back to old tractors... Are you guys seeing as many as I am going to 
the scrappers? We need to run out and adopt all of them we can to save them 
for the next generation, even in a non running condition.



--
"farmer"

Francis Robinson
Central Indiana, USA robinson at svs.net