[AT] A SENIOR MOMENT

[Mattias Kessén]

ROFL!

Mattias


2007/1/1, Irma <bellville1 at earthlink.net>:
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> A SENIOR MOMENT
>
> A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager
> thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
>
> Dear Sir:
>
> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
> endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
>
> By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between
> his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
> needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit
> of
> my Social Security check, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in
> place for only eight years.
>
> You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
> opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for
> the
> inconvenience caused to your bank.
>
> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
> caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
>
> I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls
> and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank
> has
> become.
>
> >From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
> person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter
> no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check,
> addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom
> you
> must nominate.
>
> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
> person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
> Contact
> Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.I am sorry it runs
> to eight pages,
> but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about
> me, there is no alternative.
>
> Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
> countersigned by a Notary Public,
> and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts,
> assets and liabilities) must be
> accompanied by documented proof.
>
> In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she
> must quote in dealings with me.
>
> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
> modeled it on the number
> of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your
> phone bank service.
> As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
>
> Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
> buttons as follows:
>
> 1-- To make an appointment to see me.
> 2-- To query a missing payment.
> 3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
> 4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
> 5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
> 6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
> 7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my
> computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later
> date to
> the Authorized Contact.)
> 8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
> 9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be
> put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
>
> While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait uplifting music
> will play for the duration of the call.
>
> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>
> May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
>
> Your Humble Client
>
> (Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)
>
>
> JUST GOTTA LOVE SENIORS!
>
>
>
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