[AT] Way OT for a chuckle

[Carl Tatlock]

Here are some good observations.  Thanks for the  last chuckles--  very 
funny.    By the way, 45% of the people in this country wonder where the 
Democrat leaders are??   Me too.

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>Sensible Observations
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>1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in
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>His sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
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>--Author Unknown
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>2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
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>Do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away
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>From children."
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>--Author Unknown
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>3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?  There's a support group
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>For that.  It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
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>--Drew Carey
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>4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
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>Job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end
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>Of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
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>--Jeff Foxworthy
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>5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
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>Infant's' life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
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>Considering if there is a man on base."
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>--Dave Barry
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>6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat
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>It like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
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>Should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day
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>Before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
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>--Bob Ettinger
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>7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
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>Lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
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>'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
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>--Paula Poundstone
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>8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
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>Skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
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>--Conan O'Brien
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>9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
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>Fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
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>I could be eating a slow learner."
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>--Lynda Montgomery
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>10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York
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>Said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold
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>Enough.  Let's go west.'"
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>--Richard Jeni
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>11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
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>Would be dead."
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>--Johnny Carson
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>12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
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>--Paul Rodriguez
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>13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and
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>that's the law."
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>--Jerry Seinfeld
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>14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you
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>Have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
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>What is the logic in that?  What, do tall people burn slower?"
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>--Warren Hutcherson
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>15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.  Monogamy is the same."
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>--Oscar Wilde
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>16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress..
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>But I repeat myself."
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>--Mark Twain
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>17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.  At least
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>They can find Afghanistan."
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>--A. Whitney Brown
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>18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a
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>Look that says, 'My God, you're right!  I never would've thought of that!'"
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>--Dave Barry
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>19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?  Because "Mad Cow Disease" was
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>Taken.
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>--Unknown, presumed deceased
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>20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.  I believe I'll have another
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>Beer."
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>- W. C. Fields
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>And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English??
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