[AT] Way OT for a chuckle

H. L. Staples hlstaples at mcloudteleco.com
Sun Sep 10 15:46:14 PDT 2006


   
 

Sensible Observations
 
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in
His sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
 
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
Do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away
From children."
--Author Unknown
 
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?  There's a support group
For that.  It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
 
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
Job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end
Of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
 
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
Infant's' life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
Considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
 
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat
It like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
Should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day
Before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
 
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
Lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
 
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
Skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
 
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
Fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
 
10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York
Said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold
Enough.  Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
 
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
Would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
 
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
 
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and
that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
 
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you
Have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic in that?  What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
 
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.  Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
 
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress..
But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
 
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.  At least
They can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
 
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a
Look that says, 'My God, you're right!  I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
 
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?  Because "Mad Cow Disease" was
Taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
 
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.  I believe I'll have another
Beer."
- W. C. Fields
 
And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English??
 
H. L. Staples
McLoud, Oklahoma
USA



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