[AT] BOOO! anyone awake in there?

[Mike Meulenberg]

Thanks for passing that along Ernie, made me laugh...Mike

---------- Original Message ----------
From: Roebersauctions at aol.com
To: at at lists.antique-tractor.com
Subject: Re: [AT] BOOO! anyone awake in there?
Date: Sun, 6 Dec 2009 17:26:09 EST

I've been watching this thread for a while and really enjoy  the comments, 
being raiseed on a farm 65+ years ago. Talking about "Spud  Wrenches" I 
thought this might ad a smile to some people. Ernie from Mn 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Tool  Definitions             


DRILL  PRESS:
A tall upright machine  useful for suddenly snatching flat metal  bar stock 
out of your hands so that it  smacks you in the chest  and flings your beer 
across the room, denting the freshly-painted  project which you had 
carefully set in the corner where nothing  could get to it.

WIRE  WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them  somewhere under the workbench 
with the speed of light. Also removes  fingerprints and hard-earned calluses 
from fingers in about the time  it takes you to say, "Oh, shit!"

SKILL SAW:
A  portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to  round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of  
blood-blisters.

BELT  SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to  convert minor touch-up jobs into 
major refinishing  jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a  family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle ... It 
 transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and  the 
more you attempt to influence its course, the  more dismal  your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally  used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing 
 else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding  heat 
to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE  TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various  flammable objects in your shop 
on fire. Also handy for igniting the  grease inside the wheel hub out of 
which you want to remove a  bearing race.

TABLE  SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used  to launch wood projectiles for 
testing wall  integrity.

HYDRAULIC  FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the  ground after you have installed 
your new brake shoes, trapping the  jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large  stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good  
aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the  trash can 
after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the  outside edge.

TWO-TON  ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum  tensile strength of everything you forgot 
to  disconnect.

PHILLIPS  SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum  seals under lids or for opening old-style 
paper-and-tin oil cans and  splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be 
used, as the name  implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT  SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans.  Sometimes used to convert common slotted 
screws into non-removable  screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used  to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you 
needed to  remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool  used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally  employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a 
kind  of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the  
object we are trying to hit usually smashing the thumb that is  holding the 
object that you are trying to pound into whatever it is  that you are working 
on effectively eliminating the need for  manicure care on that thumbnail for 
weeks.   See: Son of a b*tch  TOOL

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used  to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons  
delivered to your  front door; works particularly well on  contents such as seats, 
vinyl records,  liquids in plastic  bottles, collector magazines, refund 
checks, and rubber or  plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work 
clothes, but  only while in use.

Son  of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and  throw across the garage while yelling, 
"Son of a b*tch" at the top  of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next 
tool that you will  need.












=
 
 
In a message dated 12/6/2009 3:10:22 P.M. Central Standard Time,  
robinson46176 at gmail.com writes:

On Sun,  Dec 6, 2009 at 11:21 AM, Mark Greer <markagreer at embarqmail.com>  
wrote:
> My Grandpa was an ironworker and he always called that a "spud"  wrench. I
> don't think it had anything to do with potatoes.
>  Mark
>
====================================


I once  "wrenched" my back with a big sack of potatoes...  ;-)

-- 
Have  you hugged your horses today?

Francis Robinson
aka  "farmer"
Central Indiana  USA
robinson46176 at gmail.com
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